My wife is going to see her family in The Gambia over Christmas and having paid for the flight I needed travel insurance. Using the internet I felt that good old trusty Norwich Union would do the job. Paying the required sum immediately on 14th Aug we waited the necessary 4-5 working days, but as of today we are still waiting for the travel documentation, just the option of printing off the document online being available to date. The small money paid is not relevant, but what is disgraceful is the sheer lack of any customer service, apart from "it is on the way". I trust that nobody in blogland is hoping that Norwich Union will pay any insurance claim promptly......God forbid you have a personal pension with these financial morons!

Aug 20

I purchased travel insurance for my wife last weekend and we are still

to receive any documentation. Can you tell us how much longer we have

to wait?

no : TRS190406630

Tony Brookes, on behalf of Madlene Mendy.

Thank you.

Aug 22

Dear Mr Brookes,

Thank you for your email regarding travel insurance,

Your documents should have arrived within 4 - 5 working days, you

may have received these already but to avoid any further delays I have

issued a new policy schedule which you should hope to arrive shortly.

If we can be of any further assistance please do not hesitate to

contact us again.

Many Thanks,

Michael Tate

Internet Support

Norwich Union Direct

Opening hours:

Telephone: Weekdays 8am to 10pm, Saturday 8am to 6pm and Sunday

10am to 4pm. Call on 0800 888 111

On-line: Weekdays 6am to midnight, Saturday 8am to midnight and

Sunday 8am to 10pm. Email on support@norwich-union.co.uk

From: tony brookes on 20/08/2005 07:49

Office Phone No:

To: NUD Support@NORWICHUNION

cc:

Subject: single journey travel insurance

- Show quoted text -

I purchased travel insurance for my wife last weekend and we are

still

to receive any documentation. Can you tell us how much longer we

have

to wait?

no : TRS190406630

Tony Brookes, on behalf of Madlene Mendy.

Thank you.

Aug30

It is now 30th Aug, and having had money removed from my bank account on 14th Aug with the promise of documentation being sent within 4-5 days it is an unacceptable standard of customer relations to fail to deliver on your promise. I am expecting this documentation to arrive within 2 days, and if it does not I will demand a refund to enable us to contact a competant insurer.

Tony Brookes.

Quote me happy?.........as if

While the World is in thrall/horror at Religious Fundamentalism it may be prudent to cast one's minds back to the early 17th century when a group of fanatical extremists wanted to transform England into a theocracy governed by their own interpretation of the Bible. They are remembered today as the Pilgrim Fathers.

The leader of this group who eventually sailed to America on the Mayflower was William Brewster, who would become the first governor of the New England colony. Rather than being a pious man who devoted his life to God, it was failure in his personal life that forged his "born-again Christianity", an echo that reverberates among many in America. A New World Order ruled by God's commandment, with him as it's first leader.

First form a cell of like-minded zealots, and call the Separatists. Among their theocracy, pubs were to be closed, gambling banned, women dressed in sober clothing and the Bible would become the foundation of civil society. See any echoes with any other countries? Later measures introduced by Brewster at Plymouth Rock would be a law making it illegal to live alone, and for women and children to be treated with severity. A statute on the books in the Plymouth Colony allowed for the execution of children who disobeyed their parents.

After a period of time in England with the threat of having their right ears cut off, nostrils slit open and the letters SS ("stirrer of sedition") branded on the foreheads, along with a spell in the Clink (Abu Ghraib of Puritan England) where they were chained, tortured and beaten, standing knee-deep in fetid water they decided to join other fundamentalists in Amsterdam, meeting and joining with the Ancient Brethren, a Taleban of their time. Years followed of sedition and a hardening of religious radicalism, and after being hounded by Dutch and English authorities they decided to set sail across the Atlantic to found a new country.

Their attitudes to sex, God and the Bible is now the cultural DNA of the United States. When fanatics desire to go back to earlier times, when twice as many Americans are said to believe in the Devil as Darwin's Theory of Evolution, when the President is described by The New York Times as a "messianic American Calvinist" then it is surely worth looking over your shoulder at the fundamentalists who landed in America in 1620.

Jude Law has finally seen the error of his ways, realised the futility of fucking any woman with the scent of availability when he has an enchanting girlfriend in Sienna Miller. He has now formulated a last-gasp solution to his wandering dick, and with the help of the family veterinary surgeon will soon set in place an operation that may soothe the anger of Sienna.

Jude has decided that he has to undertake the drastic step of having a micro-chip inserted under his foreskin that is able to be tracked under certain conditions. Just being able to know when the aforementioned member is out of the zip was impractical, with an amber alert at every pissing session. However, when the cock is enveloped in any sticky substance, or in any warm membrane then the chip will be activated. A pre-arranged call to alert of any showering with gel will be advisable, though of course a dozen showers in a day will produce their own alarm.

Good luck young man. Keep your pecker up!

Picture the scene: That magical day when those delicious Girl Scout cookies you ordered weeks ago finally arrives, courtesy of the ugly new neighborhood girl in the recognizable green uniform. Your mouths’ watering, you and your family tear into the brightly colored boxes and begin eating. Within moments however, you notice something is wrong. Your insides feel like they’re on fire and your children are vomiting blood. The last thing you see before you die is your spouse trying to carve their abdomen open with a knife in a fit of deranged hysteria… Sound preposterous? Think again. According to an FBI report, members of radical

Islamic terrorist groups seeking to kill innocent American civilians with poisonous cookies are indeed actively targeting the Girl Scouts for infiltration. The report, released this morning, cites several sources of credible speculation as evidence of the developing plot. “Employing the guile imparted by his training, a determined member of Al Qaeda could easily infiltrate the ranks of the Girl Scouts, and once implanted, might remain latent within the troop for an extended period, enduring with tireless patience the excruciatingly dull campouts and tedious tasks attendant to the earning of merit badges in such boring fields

as basketry, drafting, cooking and bird study, all the while biding his time and gaining the trust of his fellow scouts until it is time to raise funds for the organization through the sale of factory baked treats – which he’d go about selling with extraordinary zeal – only to swap his cookies with those containing botulin, anthrax or ricin prior to delivery,” the report read in part. Remarked FBI spokesman Robert Osgood: “Once ingested, these toxins will inevitably cause their victims to experience agonizing intestinal discomfort, painful, bloody diarrhea and terrifying hallucinations involving big hairy spiders with long sharp

teeth feeding on their eyeballs and genitals before succumbing to death as their internal organs literally liquefy. We urge the public to remain vigilant and wary of any suspicious looking Girl Scouts, but ultimately this will fail as Al Qaeda will certainly shift to another tactic of spreading their death and terror.” In order to preserve some vestige of our former safety, the Department of Homeland Security is recommending that citizens purchase a high quality security system for the home and to limit time spent vulnerable outdoors by conducting as much of their necessary business via internet and telephone

Newsmutiny

Idiot, North Dakota Police, responding to a report of forced entry and petty vandalism, shot and killed the suspect’s uncle, who was hiding under the bed, presumably from officers who had forcibly broken into his second story bedroom window. Police Chief Jerry Waltham said Tuesday that an officer mistook John Nelson for a velociraptor and shot him 14 times.“Velociraptors are an enemy of all man,” said Waltham, referring to the long extinct carnivorous dinosaur. Velociraptor were featured predominantly in the Jurassic Park series of movies, something that Waltham claims “struck fear into police everywhere.” John Nelson, 65, was old and nearly immobile thanks to a crippling case of arthritis in his knees. He had been living in a homeless shelter previously, before realizing that his niece and nephew didn’t mind him sleeping under their bed.“This situation involves two terrible tragedies: a brutal case of domestic vandalism and the loss of a life,” said Mayor John Casterbridge.This marks the fourth fatal police shooting involving a person being mistaken for a dinosaur in Idiot this year, up two already from a year ago. Cathy Nelson had called the police Monday night to report that someone had broken into her home and vandalized her refrigerator with rude comments. “Someone had entered my home and written rude and derogatory comments like ‘Milk’ and ‘Cheese’ on the whiteboard on my fridge,” said Cathy. Cathy’s husband Mark, who had left on a business trip earlier in the day after drinking the last of the milk and eating the last of the cheese, was unavailable for comment.
"This situation involves two terrible tragedies: a brutal case of domestic vandalism and the loss of a life"
- Mayor Casterbridge, Mayor of Idiot, North Dakota.Police borrowed a ladder to enter the home through a bedroom window, attempting to be “very sneaky” as one officer described. They kicked in the window and entered the room, which is when they reportedly saw a “six foot long, three foot tall dinosaur with sharp curved teeth and three clawed hands.” The officers opened fire on the beast, emptying 14 shots into him before he finally went down.John Nelson was taken to Idiot General Hospital where he was said to be in “good spirits”. Upon closer examination, he was pronounced dead.Police have been working to reform the department ever since a 12 year old child, suspected to be a rogue stegosaurus, was shot and killed last summer. Casterbridge appointed a 15 member panel that last month made the recommendation that included when force should be used and trips to archeological museums so that officers could finally learn the differences between humans and dinosaurs.

This is an update to a previous posting

Are you plagued by spam in your e-mail?

Do you want an immediate remedy?

The Russians have the answer!!

Is it right for armed UK police operating a shoot-to-kill policy  to murder an innocent man if they suspect him to be involved in a possible terrorist activity? Does the end justify the means?

Innocent or not, if we want too we will fucking kill you!!

What do you think?

Nothing Better to Worry About? Check Your Local Weather

The Adventures of George and Tony

The world seemed very different not so long ago, even although it wasn't. Remember Tony Blair leading New Labour to victory, spelling the long anticipated demise of the right-wing lunatic brigade, the Tories. After those long dark, grey years under the Conservatives everyone was delighted just to get a change, the possibility that some good might be done by the new government was confirmed when they held devolution referendums for Scotland and Wales as promised. However it all went down hill from there.

Still, at the time, we also had Clinton in the Whitehouse, the much more acceptable face of American aggression. He developed the fine art of saying the decent thing and then doing the opposite. As his reign descended into oblivion with all the stupid BJ stories, we wondered what would become of Tony and our much-wailed about 'special relationship' with America. We watched as Bush and his family, along with a host of the most evil big business tycoons in the world, stole the presidency of the USA. Surely Tony can't be pals with an unashamed right-wing moron, who has been personally responsible for executing people as Governor of Texas?

Think again, at first the signs were bad, as the US announced plans to withdraw from all these piddling affairs elsewhere in the world and concentrate on their own imagined greatness. Then the two towers crumbled and all hell broke loose. This was the situation which got Tony back in bed with the President, in contrast to his Texan peer, Tony reacted swiftly and skillfully to the attack, maximising his own appearances to offer solemn, heart-felt sympathy to the American people. He seemed to take a lead in organising some ridiculous anti-terrorist coalition before bending over for George and agreeing to an attack on Afghanistan.

Yet another attack on a long suffering country incapable of defending itself ended unsuccessfully, if the aim was to catch Osama Bin Laden. What they did successfully do, was remove a devoutly Muslim regime and replace them with someone a bit friendlier and more amenable to American demands. After weeks of press about this bearded terrorist hiding in caves the whole thing was swept under the carpet and the regular evil guy picture on the news was switched back to Saddam Hussein.

Now George has decided he wants to 'kick Saddam's ass again'. But why, is there a link to the two towers? No, no link whatsoever but George gets to fund the military, steal oil and avenge his father, the senior Bush, who for some reason decided to leave Saddam in charge and backstab all the Iraqi's who tried to rise against him, leaving them to die in their thousands after the first Gulf War. Why would Tony want to go along with this one?

To be honest I don't really know. By toddling along after George, Tony is currently risking his relationship with Europe and severely trying the patience of the British people. The way he is jetting around trying to tow the Yankee line and get other countries to join in is just horrible to watch. Britain is only under threat if we perpetrate these types of crimes on other nations, by bombing and starving these people we are increasing the threat of terrorism. Whatever the reason there can be little doubt that Tony is desperate for American approval.

Other than more terrorist attacks, what do we get out of our 'special relationship' with the States? As far as I can tell we get to have big American military bases all over our country to ensure we are a target in any conflict, we get to import American culture which is homogenised and won't be happy until we all eat, drink and wear the same things, we get privatisation of everything in site, always based on a US model and usually a total waste of time and money for everyone except the company directors. This blind acceptance of American capitalist values has led to further polarisation of wealth in this country, countries as rich as Britain and the US should not have people living on the streets. Why would any British person aspire to the American way of life?

The recent demonstrations and ongoing criticism of Tony does not seem to have had an effect. Over a million people in London and 100,000 in Glasgow, the largest ever demo in London, yet Tony has ignored it to go along with Bush. The war has started, despite huge displays of public disapproval, failure to get a majority of people in favour of war in any of the polls, and the protests of many countries, including France, Germany, Russia and China. But what are the consequences for their illegal actions? Tony may well lose his job over this. He has continually insisted that they are committed to removing Saddam and that oil revenue will now be placed in a trust fund administered by the UN. Even if this is true it does not compensate for bombing innocent people. It also doesn't justify handing mostly US companies hugely lucrative contracts to 'rebuild' Iraq and pump the oil once the slaughter is over.

Well the war is apparently over, Saddam has disappeared in a cloud of rubble leaving behind a war torn and poverty stricken country in desperate need of help, which it probably won't get. Apparently the US are shocked that there has been no welcoming commitee, and with the realisation that the next government of Iraq, if democratically elected, will be a fundamentalist Muslim one, have decided to stay in charge for a wee while longer. Who knows what George and Tony will get into next - Syria? North Korea? or 'Global Terrorism'? We'll have to wait and see.

HRH Queen Elizabeth allows a rare glimpse at the Royal undies on the line

Details of the Queens entire annual underwear budget have been revealed, prompting critics to demand the monarch trim her spending.
Buckingham Palace said Wednesday that the figures, which showed the Queen sized royal underpants cost each taxpayer just 0.003 pence a year, proved Queen Elizabeth and her household were providing good value for money.
Amounting to around £4.11 per day, critics seized on details of the £1,500 a year underpants bill.

Lawmaker Bill Rutford, a Labour Party Fundraiser, said the monarchy provided "reasonable value" but called the expenditure of luxury underwear as "indefensible".
"We ought to have more of the royals using normal shops for their everyday expenses. I know for a fact that there are perfectly comfortable women’s pants available in Matalan for less than £4.00 for 3 pairs."

Cover of Mary Simpsons controversial book

A controversial new book by former Buckingham Palace housemaid Mary Simpson has just been released, which looks specifically at the flamboyant underwear tastes of the Royal Family. Her book entitled 'The Royals Downstairs' gives stark descriptions of the monarch’s underwear tastes and demands.
"Quite frankly I am surprised she's only wasting £1,500 a year on her pant shopping, considering how many pairs she has", explained Ms. Simpson, "she is obsessed with having the newest styles as soon as they hit the cat walks. Sometimes she would have new lines flown in directly from New York just so she could have some before they became common"

Alan Reid, Keeper of the Privy Purse, slammed the accusations made by Ms. Simpson, "This woman is not to be trusted. She is making money through the abuse of the highly trusted and respected position of Royal underwear technician. She left the Palace after a fall out with another member of staff and now she is trying to make money with this nonsense.
"We have acknowledged that HRH could cut back on some of the more expensive garments that she favours, but to suggest that the Queen of England should wear the same pair of pants twice is quite ridiculous."

UK Satire

Clarke launches Swab
for Prizes Scheme